I Slap Floor

David Straussberg and Mandy arrive at Whit’s End looking for Whit, but Bernard Walton tells them he is at home recovering from the strangest week Odyssey has ever experienced. Since David has been away visiting his grandmother, he and Mandy have heard nothing about it. Bernard settles in to explain how the trouble supposedly began the previous Monday.

According to Bernard, Richard Maxwell unexpectedly returns to Odyssey and visits Whit’s End while Whit is advising Sarah about her parents. Richard needs money and asks about work. Whit suggests Bart Rathbone’s Electric Palace and Tom Riley’s Timothy Center, while Bernard mentions Edwin Blackgaard’s Harlequin Theater. Richard also hopes Eugene might know of computer-programming opportunities. Before leaving, however, he fills the room with so much powerful cologne that Whit and Bernard have to open a window.

As soon as Richard is gone, Whit gives Sarah advice that sounds completely unlike him. Instead of encouraging her to respect her parents and discuss her curfew honestly, he suggests telling them they are unreasonable and too restrictive. Whit sees nothing wrong with this approach, even when Bernard questions him.

The next day, Tom Riley announces that he is selling the Timothy Center. He claims he has become too old to keep up with the children and teenagers who visit, although the center has meant a great deal to him. Bart Rathbone decides to buy the property and transform it into a space camp.

Bart has recently hired Richard at the Electric Palace. When a girl challenges Bart over a suspicious contest in which Rodney Rathbone has won a trip to space camp, Richard joins her criticism and asks whether Bart ever gets tired of cheating people. Bart seems briefly struck by the idea of humanity, but he soon purchases Tom’s property anyway.

Richard helps Connie and Eugene pack Tom’s belongings at the Timothy Center. While looking through old photographs, Connie and Eugene remember the many experiences they have shared over the years. Eugene accidentally calls his fiancée Katrina by the wrong name, then insists that the slip does not mean he is having second thoughts - even though Connie has not suggested anything of the kind. Their conversation becomes increasingly tender until they suddenly declare that they have always loved each other.

More impossible changes follow. Edwin Blackgaard abandons serious Shakespearean theater after discovering television comedy and decides to produce *Willy Wonka* because food humor pleases crowds. He also asks Whit for permission to court Mayor Margaret Faye. Soon Bart holds a press conference and apologizes for his past dishonest business practices. He turns the Timothy Center into a free space camp, offering food, activities, entertainment, and equipment at his own expense.

Connie and Eugene behave like a devoted couple and begin planning to marry immediately. Harlow Doyle, normally a hopeless detective, suddenly writes to the Federal Bureau of Investigation with a clear solution to a major criminal case. Tom announces that a man claiming to be an angel named Haggai has persuaded him to sell everything, buy a tour bus, and pursue his lifelong dream of becoming a rodeo cowboy. He has already practiced on his elderly horse, Rachel.

Edwin then announces that Margaret is leaving the mayor’s office to marry him. Her farewell statement promises to devote herself entirely to her husband, cook his meals, raise children, and wear a veil in his presence. Edwin names Richard Maxwell as Odyssey’s new mayor. David and Mandy can barely believe Bernard’s account, but he assures them that the strange behavior only continues.

Bernard finally calls everyone to a meeting at Whit’s End. Each person recognizes how strangely everyone else is behaving but insists that his or her own behavior is perfectly sensible. Whit continues giving Sarah reckless advice and praises her for piercing her ears without her parents’ permission. Tom arrives in spurs that scratch Whit’s floor. Harlow makes brilliant deductions about Stonehenge and the extinction of the dinosaurs. Connie and Eugene announce that they will marry the following day, while Edwin invites everyone to join him and Margaret for cheeseburgers and a noisy action movie. Bart generously offers Whit free lodging at the space camp, and Whit unveils a wildly impractical flying rescue machine made from a boat, oars, helium balloons, and a propeller.

While everyone argues, Harlow suddenly identifies the connection: Richard Maxwell has visited each person shortly before the odd behavior begins. Richard worked for Bart before Bart became generous. He visited Whit before Whit gave Sarah bad advice. He encountered Tom before Tom sold the Timothy Center. He helped Connie and Eugene just before their sudden romance. Margaret also met Richard before becoming interested in Edwin, and Richard has been near Harlow as well. Harlow admits that his own unexpected ability to reason is further evidence that something has altered them all.

The group remembers the overpowering scent Richard wore. When Bernard asks whether the cologne is causing the changes, Richard first denies knowing anything and says, “I just slap it on.” Under continued questioning, his manner changes. He claims that the people of Odyssey have taken twelve years to expose him and that he has used his disguise to collect government secrets. Richard Maxwell, he declares, is only a mask. He removes it and reveals himself as Regis Blackgaard, the enemy everyone has believed dead.

Bernard claims that Blackgaard escapes before anyone can stop him. Eugene later analyzes the cologne and identifies a mind-altering substance designed to weaken everyone’s defenses by reversing or distorting normal behavior. Blackgaard has supposedly spent years hiding as Richard, gathering secrets and waiting for an opportunity to take control. After his discovery, he abandons the plan and leaves the country with everything he has learned. A doctor gives the affected residents an antidote and orders them to rest at home, which explains Whit’s absence.

David and Mandy are astonished, but one question remains: why has Bernard behaved normally when he was also near Richard? Bernard answers only, “I slap floor,” then leaves as soon as Whit unexpectedly enters.

Whit is healthy, remembers no bizarre advice, and does not understand David and Mandy’s questions about Richard, Blackgaard, or mind-altering cologne. Once he hears Bernard’s peculiar explanation, he recognizes the trick. Whit tells the children to write down the words *I slap floor*, rearrange the letters, and remember, “Don’t believe everything you hear.” The letters form *April Fools*. Bernard’s entire tale - from Richard’s return to Blackgaard’s unmasking - is an elaborate joke on David and Mandy, who have just learned why Whit is perfectly well and Bernard has hurried upstairs.