I Want My B-TV!

Guy Feldstein, manager of Odyssey’s television station, needs a new children’s program because the long-running Soapy Waters and the Suds Factory is ending. The cheap replacement shows offered by program brokers are loud, silly variations on dinosaur heroes and toys, and Guy knows Odyssey families will expect something better. Bernard Walton, who has been cleaning the studio, suggests that local people could create their own show.

Bernard gathers Jack, Eugene, Connie, Courtney, and Sam to develop a program. Guy has agreed to consider something openly Christian even though the station is not specifically religious. The group settles on a variety format with an energetic introduction, jokes from viewers, sketches about the Bible and Christian living, short facts, spoof commercials, and stories.

Their first sketch follows Percival, a young man who wants the Bible to direct his life but reads only isolated verses chosen at random. One verse convinces him to marry, while another makes him cancel his engagement. A command to bear fruit sends him into the produce business, and another verse makes him refuse to sell any of it. When he finds verses that appear to disagree about swords, poverty, and answering fools, Percival concludes that Scripture is contradictory. He never understands that the Bible must be read in its full setting rather than treated as disconnected daily instructions.

Courtney and Sam propose a feature called Did You Know? with surprising bits of history and other useful knowledge. The team decides to scatter these facts throughout the program. They also create a movie-preview parody about Ananias and Sapphira, who sell property, pretend to donate the entire payment to the church, and keep part for themselves. Their attempt to protect their image while lying to God ends in disaster.

When the group wants a storyteller, Eugene admits that he has no natural gift for simple tales and begins describing the Three Little Pigs in complicated language. His failure sparks a better idea: Bernard retells a familiar story as a lesson about solid foundations.

The two pigs are brothers named Dudley and Mudley. Wealthy, status-conscious Dudley builds a grand mansion on fashionable beachfront sand, removing sound supports when they spoil his view. Practical Mudley builds a modest family home on mountain rock and anchors every part firmly. Each brother urges the other to change locations, but Dudley insults Mudley and breaks off their relationship. When a violent storm and flood strike, Dudley’s showplace collapses during his party, while Mudley’s house stands and keeps his family safe.

Guy has listened from the back of the room. The program is not perfect, but it comes closer to what he needs than any commercial show he has seen, so he gives the group a chance to produce it. They still need a title and a host. Everyone chooses a startled Bernard to host because he found the opportunity, shaped the format, and narrates the stories. Sam proposes B-TV, with the B standing for Bernard. Bernard discovers that he rather likes the sound of it, and Odyssey’s new television program begins to take shape.