The Way of the Comic Book

The story opens with the latest Captain Absolutely adventure playing on Kids' Radio: the villain Notoriously Nebulous Nancy has trapped Captain Absolutely in an ice cream freezer for five days, but her will-shattering "Notoriously Nebulous Nebulizer" fails against him, and he launches her to the steps of Metropolitanville Prison with a giant slingshot built from ice cream sticks. Listening along are Jay Smouse and Buddy Norman. Buddy has given Jay some sketches for a comic book he is writing, and Jay, in full "critique mode," pronounces Buddy's villain, Professor Hurley Hurlington, hopelessly lame. "Villains are supposed to be evil and terrifying," Jay declares, not like a librarian chasing down late fees. He offers to help - for bribes and flattery - but Buddy snatches his sketches back and vows to find someone who actually knows what they're talking about.

That someone is Wooton Bassett, creator of Captain Absolutely, whom Buddy finds oiling a mailbox so he can deliver mail without alerting a teacup chihuahua that hates him. Wooton admires Buddy's character designs, especially the majestic eyebrows, and agrees to take him on as his apprentice in "the way of the comic book." But Wooton's boot camp turns out to be a string of baffling exercises: speed-sketching Wooton's face, hand warm-ups that somehow end with Buddy squeezing lemons into a pitcher of lemonade, staring at blank paper for "laser focus," and mixing peanut butter and jelly smoothies. Still, Wooton invites Buddy to join him on Connie's radio show, Candid Conversations, and Buddy is thrilled.

Before the interview, Jay corners Buddy at Whit's End with a redesigned villain he calls Doctor Pathological, offering his "brilliant plans" in exchange for milkshake refills and mountains of candy. Buddy refuses and lets slip that he is headed to an interview - which gives Jay an idea. During the broadcast, after Wooton explains the gloriously rambling chain of thoughts that inspired his nebulizer story, a caller identifying himself as "Patio Leprechaun" phones in to complain that Wooton's villains have gone soft and that Nancy was a huge letdown. Buddy recognizes Jay's voice immediately, accuses him on the air of sabotaging the interview out of spite, and Connie has to scramble to a commercial break.

The next morning on the school bus, Buddy demands that Jay apologize to Wooton. When Jay shrugs it off as constructive criticism, Buddy decides to give him a dose of his own medicine, mocking Jay's last-minute homework habits, chicken-scratch handwriting, and clownish clothes. Jay cheerfully absorbs every insult, and Buddy storms off in frustration. Buddy then channels his anger into a new comic featuring the Terrifyingly Tasteless Troll, a villain who tries to crush Captain Absolutely with cleverly worded insults - including the very same library-fine jab Jay used on Buddy. Wooton likes parts of it, but he sees exactly what Buddy is doing: the whole story is revenge on Jay. He also admits he met with Jay after the interview to hear his ideas.

So Wooton takes the apprenticeship to another level with his strangest lessons yet. Buddy must catch tennis balls, mixed with rotten tomatoes, while clutching a big exercise ball; choose which of three pies to eat based only on where each came from; and guess which foods on a plate are real and which are secretly cake. Then Wooton reveals the meaning. The tennis balls are comments from fans, the tomatoes are the ones not worth catching, and the exercise ball is pride - while you're hugging it, you can't catch anything valuable. The pies teach you to consider the source of criticism, which Buddy proves he already understands when he explains he avoided the pie Connie probably baked and the one from Jay's address, which was "probably been poisoned or something." And the cake test stands for the most important step: prayerfully deciding whether criticism is actually true. Wooton confesses that after thinking and praying about Jay's comments, he decided Nancy really could use some work - and that Jay might make Buddy's story better too.

The lesson bears fruit in a brand-new Kids' Radio episode. Nancy escapes jail with the help of her husband, none other than the Terrifyingly Tasteless Troll, and the villainous duo straps Captain Absolutely to a mahogany table, vowing to make him question his very worth. He is rescued when reporter Milt Millerton crashes an armored convertible through the wall, then gently tells the Captain that lately he has been more sloppy than heroic. Instead of bristling, Captain Absolutely promises to give the criticism some thought and prayer.

In the studio afterward, it comes out that Connie voiced Nancy, Jay voiced the Troll, and - to Jay's genuine shock - Buddy came up with the Troll in the first place. Buddy admits Jay was right about Professor Hurley Hurlington and asks to see the Doctor Pathological designs again. Jay gleefully promises to say "I told you so" every half hour for two weeks, and announces that his consulting prices have gone up: a triple-decker sundae, six cinnamon rolls with extra frosting, and those three jumbo packs of gummy bears to soothe his wounded feelings.