Chris: Pardon me, I stand corrected.
Meg: You do?
Chris: Pardon me again, I sit corrected.
- Jonathan
Tom Riley(Rapping)'Communicate! Gotta share the Gospel before it's too late!'
- Christian A.
Madge: Your face! What is it?
Guy: Oh, something I like to keep on the front of my face. A couple of eyes, a nose . . .
- K
This is not a quote, but how can you keep your face in front of your face,K?
- Someone
Principal: As I understand it, you got into a little skirmish with Billy Barton a few weeks ago.
Mike: Skirmish? Does that mean fight?
Principal: Yes, it happened while I was out of town.
Mike: Uh huh, that was convienent.
Principal: Um, yes.
- Jonathan
Philo: I don't have to worry about [someone pulling a prank on me]. I've got a rabbit's foot.
Officer Harley: Bummer. You know, they have surgery that can correct that.
- Waluigi Freak 99
Tom Riley: The only luck that rabbit's foot has brought anybody is BAD luck for the rabbit that lost it.
- Waluigi Freak 99
Whit: You'll get more protection out of a deoderant can than that rabbit's foot!
- Waluigi Freak 99
Kid: (in wimpy voice) I wanna be a disc jockey, Brad; can I audition to be a disc jockey?
Brad: Yeah, go ahead. Try reading this.
Kid: Uh, okay, I'm ready to read. (clears throat and read in strong, adult voice) Today in the news, the President signed a bill--
Brad: You're hired!
- Aslan
Whit: Jamison Shoemaker. He was an Indiana farmer.
Tom: Was? Then I take it he's no longer with us.
Horace: Where'd he go?
Connie: He died, Horace.
Horace: Oh.
Whit: Well, it's only natural, he lived more than a hundred and fifty years ago.
Horace: Wow, if he were alive today, he'd be dead!
Connie: Very good.
- Chandler
Eugene: My name is Eugene Meltsner, and I'm a science student and (might I add, in all modesty) a recognized genius at the Campbell County Community College!
- Ben
Connie(Asking Jesus into her heart): I've been really confused, and i thought that by going to California everything would become clearer for me. And that's exactly what happened. I've got it all figured out and I know what I want to do. I want to pray with you.
- Puddleglum
Tom(Referring to Eugene): Sometimes I'm not sure about that boy.
- Puddleglum
Digger: They killed him, Mr. Whittaker! He didn't do anything to them and they killed him!
Whit: Digger, it's all right.
Digger: No, it's not. I didn't know about Jesus before, Mr. Whittaker. He never really meant anything to me. And now, just when I get to learn about him, I have to see him die.
Whit: It's all right, Digger. The story doesn't end there.
Digger: What do you mean? He's dead. It has to end here.
Whit: No, it doesn't. The best is yet to come.
- Waluigi Freak 99
Fred Zachary: Hey, you forgot your - whatjacallit - hall pass!
- Ben
Connie:(Referring to Oscar) He closes one eye, then the other eye, then he closes both eyes.
- K
Donna Barclay: The budget?! It's always the budget! We haven't been able to do anything since we got that stupid budget!
- noname
Jack: Hiya, doll face. What's the latest news?
Robyn: The report of your damaged body if you don't call me by my real name.
- Puddleglum
Tom: Eugene, it is NOT an environmental expedition, it's a fishin' trip.
Eugene: But, Mr. Riley, I see no reason not to study the cold-blooded vertebrate in its natural habitat as long as we're already there!
Tom: We're not studyin' anything, we're goin' to fish!
- Ben
Connie: I start with a blank piece of paper and a pencil...
Whit: And?
Connie: And I end with a blank piece of paper and a pencil!
- Audrey
Whit: Courage is not abot how you feel. It's about what you do.
- Puddleglum
Jimmy We were pretty awful, huh coach?
Coach Fred Zachary : No, No, You'd have to improve a whole lot to be awful
- Michael
Jimmy reading a note he got from Jesse
"Nothing compares to a boy named Jimmy,he makes my head spin and my heart feel swimmy,when I see him my face brightens up and turns grinny , this is how I feel about a boy named Jimmy.
- alayna
Jessie: Boys there so wierd!
- Jared DeWhite
Connie: You tried giving her all the love and goodness you had. When someone just doesn't care . . . there's nothing more you can do.
(she leaves)
Whit: No, there is one more thing I can do. Dear Father in Heaven . . .
- Waluigi Freak 99
Tom: Do you really believe all that?
Whit: Not a word of it!
- Audrey
In reflection of the above comment, it is probably a mixture of "Three's Company" and "Charles in Charge"
- Charlene
Curt: Its no fun catching dead fish.
- Audrey
(George and Mary Barclay are stuck in bed with the flu)
Donna: Can I get you anything?
Mary: Some ice water would be nice. George?
George: A new head. Mine just exploded.
- H Tide
Walker Henderson: And that, my friend, is 21! Game Over!
- Tim
Whit: Where's our Joseph? Eugene?
Eugene: I'll be there momentarily Mr. Whittaker. I was just uh having uh trouble attempting to tie my sandals.
White: Oh, do you need help?
Connie: [laughs] The IQ of a planet and he can't even tie his own sandals.
Eugene: I'll ignore that. Do I look appropriate to the occasion?
Whit: You might want to get rid of your glasses.
Eugene: Huh? Oh yes, I'm about 13 centuries ahead of my time.
- Jonathan
Eugene: (to Benjamin) Connie will be working here at your fine establishment.
Judah: You haven't eaten here.
- Waluigi Freak 99
Benjamin: Here's a broom servant girl! Sweep the courtyard!
Connie: Huh? Oh! Eugene?
Eugene: (laughs) Sorry Connie, I am off to find Mary & Joseph and that charismatic individual, Hezekiak! Farewell!
Connie: But, Eugene!
Eugene: Don't forget the cobwebs in the corner!
- Tim
Eugene: But how could you believe for so long - without evidence to support your theory?
Hezekiah: Theory? You are still speaking with your mind, Eugenius. What I believe is found in the place where the mind and the heart unite.
Eugene: Oh...and where is that?
Hezekiah: Faith.
- "Bubba"
Benjamin: I should have sold camels like my mother wanted.
- Tim
Whit: Apparently having clean hair isn't enough for some people, their shampoo has to come in pretty colors too.
- Audrey
Bookstore Owner: The illustrations in [that book] are first-rate in their details.
Isaac: Not only that, but they show everything really well!
- Waluigi Freak 99
That was comment was meant for the goofs once again, Sorry!
- Audrey
Jimmy:(voice cracking)Artie what are you doing?
- Jared DeWhite
Connie: You have more loop-holes than a spaghetti strainer!
- Eugene
Whit:Don't you understand that when you go out for revenge you have to dig two graves? One for the person you're after and one for yourself! Richard, there's no such thing as revenge, not really. It never replaces what you lost. It never restores. It doesn't even satisfy. You're out of the detention center now. You've got you're whole life ahead of you! Now please, give me the gun!"
- Waluigi Freak 99
Blackgaard: [darkly] Laugh now, Whittaker, but I'm not finished with you yet. Not by a long shot.
- Ben
Bernard: I'd rather pull out my fingernails with a pair of rusty pliers.
- Puddleglum
Eugene: After I refused to let them mangle my hair they got another actor who's, how can I say it?
Connie: A geek, Eugene. The actor's a geek.
Eugene: Yeah.
Connie: It's the only thing about this film that's accurate.
Eugene: I beg your pardon!
- Aslan
Connie: If you had read Whit's book, you'd realize how important the little things in life really are!
Eugene: [Like Connie's] mind, for instance.
Connie: Yeah! Wait, what?
- Waluigi Freak 99
Officer O'Ryan: "Sure as Shamrocks!"
- Tim
Haman: When the King has a thorn in his foot isn't best to remove it before infection sets in?
Xerxes: I don't know, I've never had a thorn in my foot.
- Tim
Xerxes: Hmm. Interesting.
Servant: Sire?
Xerxes: Oh, I was just reading about some of my memorable events.
Servant: Oh yes! Thrilling reading indeed sire.
Xerxes: Yes, yes, yes, but I have come upon something of a mystery... Do you remember that plot to assasinate me by those two dimwits... uh Bigthan and Terish?
Servant: Yes my leige. Tsk, tsk, tsk. What fools they were to try to harm the ruler of the earth, the monarch of all...
Xerxes: Oh, nevermind the blather it says here that Mordecai exposed the plot.
Servant: Oh yes sire. That is true.
Xerxes: But it doesn't list his reward.
Servant: Uh.. reward?
Xerxes: Yes (Imitatingly) Reward. Well don't you think the man deserves something for saving me?
Servant: I know not of others, but as for me, my reward would be the knowledge that your majesty is safe.
Xerxes: Well that's all well and good but you never saved me, this man did! Now stop the flattery you fool and tell me what reward he recieved!
Servant: (Gulp) Uh, Heh, Heh, Heh, I don't know your majesty.
Xerxes: (Imitatingly) You don't know your majesty, Well find out!
- Tim
Hank Murray says, "instead I get Burns and Allen in the Fun Factory!" A reference to the George Burns and Tracy Allen Radio show.
- Tim
Officer O'Ryan: "Beagles and Blarney Stones Whit! Are you off your nut!"
- Tim
Connie: Eugene? You're the fourth wise man?
Eugene: Indeed. Fitting company, eh, what?
- Ben
Bernard Walton: Whit, your windows have more fingerprints than the easels at a convention of six-fingered hand painters.
- Puddleglum
(Bernard is trapped under his collapsed scaffolding)
Bernard: Eugene?
Eugene: Yes?
Bernard: GET ME OUT OF HERE!!
- Ben
Eugene: And tomorrow, I shall join you on your vocational endeavors!
Bernard: Sorry, I've got to go to work tomorrow.
- K
Officer O'Ryan: "Peacocks and Pelicans, No! Nothing like that!"
- Tim
Harlow:Miss Turner, I just called to say, I can't talk!
- K
Bart:You can't pin anything on me, Doyle. I didn't have anything to do with this.
Harlow:Didn't you? HA! Ooh, did you hear that echo? HA!
- K
Harlow:Can I have another cookie?
Dale:No
Harlow:Oh.
- K
Harlow:The question is, what would be my motive for stealing my own letter?
- K
Jessie:I don't get my allowance until next week.
Harlow: Bummer. I don't either.
- K
Whit: But isn't that a little absurd?
Harlow: A little absurd! You ain't seen nothing yet!
- K
Harlow: You're not me, Mr. Jacobs! In fact, nobody is! So Before you suggest that I go talk to Jessie's evangelism class teacher, I think I'll just talk to Jessie's evangelism class teacher!
Dale:Actually I was going to suggest that you talk to Jessie's parents. That's probably where you'll end up anyway.
Harlow:YOU THINK SO, EH? Uh . . . me too.
- K
Whit: Haven't I seen you somewhere before?
Harlow: Could be. I've BEEN somewhere before!
- K
Eugene: You can write 1,000 words per day.
Connie: There's no way I could write that many. I don't even think I know that many.
Eugene: No comment.
- Puddleglum
Edwin: Dare I speak the unspeakable?
Shakespeare: If you don't speak it, sir, I won't know what you're not speaking in regards to.
- K
Tom: (referring to Eugene's backpack)What's in this thing, Eugene?
Eugene: Survival supplies.
Tom: Oh, like a portable computer, maybe a fax machine?
- anonymus
Harlow:What is your name?
Rodney:Rathbone. Rodney Rathbone
Harlow:(Writing) Rathbone Rodney Rathbone. (To Rodney) Say, it must be pretty convenient having the same first and last name.
- K
Harlow:What's the problem?
Rodney:WHAT'S THE PROBLEM??
Harlow: I asked you first!
- K
Harlow:Now let me rewind my microcassette recorder, and you can tell me all about it. Uh, the case, I mean, not the cassette recorder.
- K
Harlow:Never let it be said that Harlow Doyle, Private Eye, walked away from a difficult case. I have, but never let it be said!
- K
Harlow: Hope your vacation was appropriately . . . vacating.
- K
Harlow: I'm not here to buy anything.
Mr. Clemmens: Good-bye then.
- K
Harlow: Well, that's the way it is with crime. You put in twice the efforts to get half the results than you would have gotten if you'd have just put in half the effort to get twice the results for the effort that you put in.
- K
Sailor: You call that a sailor's knot, boy?
Lawrence: No. I call that a tennis shoe knot!
- K
Lawrence: Land ho! Land ho! No, it's just a couple of clouds. Never mind! Never mind!
- K
Harlow: Great cow intestines!
- K
Harlow: (Reading Pilgrim's Progress) Hast thou not a wife AND children? Give it to me straight!
- K
Tome: Reading Pilgrim's Progress) ". . . and as I slept I dreamed a dream." Well, what else would you dream?
- K
Harlow: THere are other questions we must ask ourselves, including, but not limited to, these: "Why am I here?", "Why did I put on mismatching socks this morning?", "Why do birds suddenly appear whenever you are near?"
Sam: Those are the questions we have to ask?
Harlow: There are others, my boy, but I haven't figured them out mathematically yet.
- K
Harlow: Why would Whit's End be closed on a day when it's usually open? On a day that's usually not Sunday?
- K
Harlow: You are a boy, and you CLAIM . . . you are talking to a door.
- K
Tom Riley: 'Well, you did and I didn't so na-na-na-na-na!'
- Christian A.
Edwin: Eugene, I suggest you find a large sledgehammer and destroy your ukelele with it.
- "Bubba"
Connie: According to this script, I'm a bratty teenager who bosses everybody around and couldn't write her way out of a paper bag!
Edwin: Is that what it says? I'm so sorry. That should be WET paper bag.
- Waluigi Freak 99
Jack: Mr. Blackgaard, I'd like to play a tough detective type. I'm even trying to grow a moustache, see?
Edwin: Really? Let's all take out our magnifying glasses and have a look!
- K
Eugene: I have one or two thoughts about characters which might suit my particular gifts.
Edwin: Really? You want to play some kind of turnip, Eugene?
- K
Bryan Dern: No, no! You have to stay! You have to stay! Get me out of here! IN THE NAME OF GOD, GET ME OUT OF HERE! PLEASE!
- Waluigi Freak 99
Connie: Excuse Me!
Benny: There's no excuse for you!
- Tim
Benny: Takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin'
- Tim
Lou: Come Benjamin, let us repair to the van.
Benny: Repair the van?!?!?
Lou: Let's go.
Benny: Hmmmm. Exit, mmmm... stage left.
- Tim
Tom: I didn't know you had company. Who's your friend?
Timmy: Dad, this is PD Barnes. But he's not my friend. He's an orphan.
- Shadowpaw
Timmy: P.D., I do know one friend who will never leave you or let you down. And I can introduce you to him, if you want me to.
P.D.: Where does this friend of yours live?
Timmy: Right here. In my heart. His name is Jesus.
- Waluigi Freak 99
Leonard:Swap my pocket knife will you?
P.D:No thanks aready did that.
- Jared DeWhite
P.D:Timmy?Timmy? Timmy!(Echo)
- Jared DeWhite
Whit:Eugene that's as good a start as any.
- Jared DeWhite
Whit: The best is yet to come!
- Shadowpaw
George Barclay:I got laid off.
Donna Barclay: You got fired?
- Jared DeWhite
Eugene: I'll be scant moments away if you need my assistance.
Bernard: I need your assistance like I need a third nostril!
- H Tide
Lawrence: (telling a story while he's supposed to be co-hosting a ball game): "...It turns out there's about 10 dollars worth of Barbie accessories in our drain. My cousin was visiting a couple of weeks ago, and I guess she figured she needed a new wardrobe. Anyway, that was pretty embarrassing.
Jimmy: Are you done?
Lawrence: Yeah, That's it.
Jimmy: Well, thank you for that very, VERY long story. Now to bring our audience BACK up to date, we are no longer in the fifth inning - we are now in the ninth...
- Aslan
Rodney: What's this piece of cloth for?
Bart: It's a napkin. You wipe your mouth with it while you're eating!
- Puddleglum
Bart:"Do we have any Grey Coupon?"
- EP
Doris:"Welcome to our humble commode."
- EP
Rodney: Pop, you're now the finalist in the Father of the Decade Contest.
Bart: Oh, yeah? And what am I THIS time, a five-star general? Or Zoltan, King of the Jungle?
Rodney: Ow! Hey, let go of my ear!
Bart: Or how about the quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys, 'cause I am gonna send you up like a point after!
Rodney: Pop!
Bart: And... don't call me Pop!
- Ben
Ms. Alman: (crying) Please . . . please, just go away. Go away before it's too late.
- Waluigi Freak 99
Edwin: A good review from him would bring the crowds in by the hundreds! And I mean TRUE theatre goers. Not the "local-yokels" I get right now.
Whit: You mean like me.
- Waluigi Freak 99
Edwin: Bernard, yours is the struggle of the ages, right out of classical theatre! The little man striving against almost insurmountable odds, to keep what he has built with his own two hands. Good versus evil, right versus wrong! No lo contendere, deus ex machina, etc., etc., etc!
Bernard: Wow! And all I wanted was a few radio ads!
- Ben
Bart: Romeo, Romeo, let down your hair!
- K
Harlow: Grab your water pistols! The aliens are coming!
- "Bubba"
Lawrence: I want my mom!
Jimmy: I want your mom too!
- Ben
Edwin: [very quickly] Well, ah, we seem to have a happy ending all around, as the aliens were killed with plain and simple water, which vanquished them upon contact. And they all died quickly and the world was saved, and you've been listening to Odyssey FM and the Harlequin Players. And I'm Edwin Blackgaard. Thank you and good night. SHAKESPEARE!! WHAT HAPPENED?!
- Ben
Whit: I guess that wraps it up for our careers in live radio drama. Is there something you want to say, Jimmy?\r\nJimmy: Uh, yeah. I just want to say that if you\'re here, Mr. Gerard, I may be a little late handing in my essay\r\n[laughter]
- Ben
Harlow:I broke out in hives and turned as red as a . . . hmm . . . as a very red . . . thing.
- K
Harlow: Excuse me, are you . . . Courtney Vincent?
Courtney: Yeah.
Harlow: Harlow Doyle, Private Eye.
Courtney: You're kidding.
Harlow: No! Don't I look like a private eye?
Courtney: No, I thought you were selling encyclopedias or something like that.
Harlow OF COURSE NOT! Though that's not a bad idea.
- K
Harlow: But didn't you realize that by doing your homework, you would miss the Bible study?
Courtney: Yeah.
Harlow: And did you further realize that by missing the Bible study, you would have to explain to ME why you missed it?
Courtney: That I didn't know.
Harlow: ME NEITHER!
- K
Courtney: Look, something's happened to Connie's class. It used to be fun and interesting, but . . . well, lately it's just gotten kind of . . .
Harlow: Hard to follow?
Courtney: No.
Harlow: Shamefully commercialized?
Courtney: No.
Harlow: Unwilling to conform to current thinking on economic matters?
Courtney: No, it's just gotten kind of . . . boring.
Harlow: Ooh, that was my next guess.
- K
Giselle: It's like she comes into the class, and she hasn't even looked at the lesson before she got there.
Harlow: Hmm, so you think she needs glasses, eh?
- K
Harlow: Forget we talked about it. In fact, I'd better forget it, too. La la la la, la la la la, hm hm hm, forgetting, forgetting!
- K
Harlow: I don't think they meant it as an accusation, I simply believe they meant it as a pointed fact.
- K
Smith: Well, gents, our work here is done.
Whit: What are you gonna do with us?
Jones: The only thing we can do.
Harlow Doyle: You mean...
Smith: Yup. We're gonna leave ya here!
Harlow Doyle: That's not all you can do. You can kill us!
- noname
Eugene: It's simply wasting valuable time in pursuit of an untamed waterfowl!
Lawrnece: Huh?
Whit: A wild goose chase.
Eugene: Precisely.
- K
Harlow: They can't do that, it's illegal!
- K
Lawrence Hodges 'Destructo!' (Obviously)
- Christian A.
Donna Barclay: How many years have you lived here?
Don Iowa: On the islands, we don't measure time in years, but in full moons.
Donna Barclay: Okay...how many full moons have you lived here?
Don Iowa: About three years' worth.
- noname
(Doris is exiting the plane, and a stewardess approaches her)
StewardessMa'am, I'm afraid I'm going to need the blanket and pillow now.
Doris: Blanket and pillow?
Stewardess: The ones in the bag--they're airline property.
Doris: They're not souvenirs?
Stewardess: No, and neither are the silverware, the drinking glass, the food tray, the coffee pot, the floatation device, or the bag, actually.
Doris: The bag is airline property?
Stewardess: No, the bag is my property.
- H Tide
(After Rodney has just wiped out surfing while trying to impress Donna.)
Donna: Impressed? Rodney, you were out there surfing on your hands and knees!
Rodney: What, you expected me to stand all the way up?
- Waluigi Freak 99
Store Clerk: Well, usually, these go for $2.50 each. But since I like you, I'll give you two for $5.00!
- Waluigi Freak 99
Bart: Besides, we're goin' wit' youse.
- Rebeckah
My sister's gonna kill me when she finds out she can't blow dry her hair!
- Audrey
Eugene: Dareen McG--Darren? The Darren?
Darren: Your rival I think.
Eugene: Pardon me while I shrivel into profuse embarrassment.
Katrina: Eugene?
Eugene: An amendment--pardon me while I die of embarrassment.
- Jonathan
Whit: The best is yet to come!
- Eugene
Jimmy: What if God wants you to go to deepest, darkest Africa or... oh, man... somewhere in Connellsville?
- Ben
Connie: Have some fun for once!
Eugene: I have my share of fun.
Connie: You don't know how.
Eugene: This entire conversation is worthless as it is quite obvious that the word fun is relative and completely dependant on one's own defenition.
Connie: All right then. What do you consider fun? What's the last thing you did JUST for fun?
Eugene: Hmmm. Ahhh. Actually, just last week, I recalibrated by barometer to study what the effect would be if the earth's atmosphere were made up of 3% nitrogen instead of 4! (chuckles) And would you believe it! The relative humility went up- HA! HA! HEE! HEE! HO! HO!-5 percentage points!(starts laughing hysterically)
Connie:(sarcastically) What a hoot.
- Christian A.
Bernard Walton: That computer is as uncooperative as my Uncle Jed's mule and more temperamental than my sister-in-law.
- Puddleglum
Katrina Shanks 'Eugene, you're eye is twitching'
- Christian A.
Eugene answers 'Calcium deficiency.'
- Christian A.
Bernard Walton: It's been my experience that experience for the sake of experience isn't a very good experience.
- Puddleglum
Eugene: It seems that everyone here is just acting. Acting like a friend only so long as it serves a purpose. Pretending like they care when they really don't. Frankly, I'm not quite sure how you cope with it all.
Kelsey: You cope by playing the game like everyone else. You cope by getting enough money to buy everything you need, including friends. You cope by becoming powerful enough to create your own world, Eugene.
Eugene: I find that rather . . . sad. To be so young, yet so cynical. Now, couldn't it be argued that by creating your own world, you're actually missing out on the real world? True friendships? True feelings?
Kelsey: You're quaint, Eugene.
Eugene: Philosophically speaking, Kelsey, don't you ever wonder what would happen if this artificial world you've created suddenly . . . collapsed? What would you have left?
Kelsey: No, Eugene. I don't wonder. And I don't want to know.
- Waluigi Freak 99
Eugene: (reading the letter from Whit) "Dear Eugene, I'm sorry I missed you. There's a lot I could say right now, but time has suddenly become very short. So rather than embarrass you by telling you how much I've come to love you, and how I'll pray for you every day, I'd like to leave you with this one simple thought . . .
Whit: The best is yet to come!
- Waluigi Freak 99
Scrubb: I sure do miss Mr. Whittaker.
Connie: I know, Scrubb. We all do.
Scrubb: Why'd he have to go away?
Connie: Well . . . I guess the missions work was just something he couldn't pass up . . . and . . . it was time for him to go.
Scrubb: When will he be back?
Connie: I don't know, Scrubb.
Scrubb: He is coming back, right?
Connie: I don't know.
Scrubb: But if he doesn't come back, who will be Mr. Whittaker? Who will take his place?
Connie: No one could take his place. Whit'll always be Whit. He's just in a different place.
Whit: But I need Mr. Whittaker right here.
Connie: I know, Scrubb. So do I.
- Waluigi Freak 99
Phil McFarland: Quiet, Jimmy! We're taunting.
- Aslan
Rusty Gordon: Well boys, what can I say? Been fun. I think I even broke a sweat once.
Phil McFarland: You know, Rusty, instead of giving you a trophy I think they should've bronzed a hot dog.
Rusty Gordon: They could've given me a ceramic frog for all I care, just so it said "Best All-Around Player" like this one does.
- C. Bob
Bernard: What's it going to take to make you see what's obvious to everybody but you?
Tom: Well, a nudge from God might help.
Bernard: How about two nudges? Glossman and his enviromentalist scam, Bill Jenkins resigning, Bart's running for mayor...
Tom: That's three.
- Haystack
Sam: Wave [for the camera], Eugene!
Eugene: It is with delight and exuberance that I would like to proffer my greetings and salutations and warmest regards to our viewing audience.
Sam: That was a wave?
- Puddleglum
Tom: I've never worn makeup in my life. I want to look good, but not like somebody's Aunt Agatha.
- Puddleglum
Frank Earnest: Stop, in the name of the environment!
- Waluigi Freak 99
Bart: Everything is beautiful in it\'s own way. I would like to teach the whole world to sing in perfect harmony. We are the world, we are the children. Don\'t stop thinkin about tommorow cuz it\'ll soon be here.
- Walkerfan
Bart: Unlike you, Riley, I believe in toleration and as mayor I won't put up with anyone who isn't tolerant.
Tom: You won't tolerate
intolerance?
Bart: Right!
Tom: So you're intolerant of people who tolerate intolerance
Bart: Yeah, my first act as mayor will be to investigate intolerance and stamp it out!
- a fan
Jimmy:Well, that's the story of the Good Samaritan. Sorry we never got to the actual story.
- K
Jason: The name's . . . Bond. James Bond.
Mustafa: Hmm. Impertinence can be very painful.
- Waluigi Freak 99
Mustafa:And on you, Jason Whittaker, I bestow the greatest honor of all.
Jason:Homecoming king?
- K
Dr. Blackgaard: Once I got out of the morgue, I'd never felt better in my life.
- "Bubba"
(Jason and Tasha have just electricuted Mustafa and Philby)
Jason:Computer! End Program.
Tasha: Phew! I hope you planned all that.
Jason:There's a computer room behind that bookcase. It controls just about everything in the building.
Tasha: Good, 'cause otherwise you have some serious electrical problems in this place.
Hey, you got the keys for these handcuffs?
Jason: I'm looking. Philby's gotta have them here somewhere.
Tasha: A turncoat and a terrorist. Ha! Not bad for a night's work. Looks like it's over for Red Scorpion, Mustafa. (thinking he's dead)
Mustafa: (gets up from the ground) No! Red Scorpion will never die! Neeevvvveeerrr!!!! (glass shatters as he jumps out the window)
Jason: I don't believe this!
Tasha: He's crazy! We're on the second floor!
Mustafa: (coughs, grunts)
Jason: Crazy or not, he made it! He's limping to the car!
Tasha: Go after him!
Jason: I'm still handcuffed!
Tasha:He's getting away!
Jason: The police! They'll put an APB out on him.
Tasha: This guy has more lives than a cat!
- Christian A
Jimmy Barclay: (talking to his baby brother) Anyway, Stewart, as I was saying, the key thing to remember is that the one way to keep 'em happy is to just feed them. Now they eat a lot more than you think. And they like to think that they're your master. You know, that their the boss. Just let them think that--it doesn't hurt anything. One tough thing is getting used to the way they smell, but that just takes time. Well, anyways, that's my advice on girls.
- H Tide
Jimmy: Hey, Mom, the baby spoke! He said the
word—get this—carrot.
Mary: Carrot?
Jimmy: He did! I heard him! His first word was, "carrot." Where's the baby book?
Mary: He was just jibbering. Why would he say
carrot?
Jimmy: Maybe he likes them.
(Stewart starts crying)
Mary: Oh, would you go change his diaper?
Jimmy: He doesn't want to be changed. He
wants a carrot!
Mary: Trust me on this one, Jimmy.
Jimmy: Alright, but what do you want me to do if he starts listing off any more vegetables?
Mary: Write them down. We'll go shopping later.
- H Tide
Sam: You set me up! You tricked me! I hope you enjoyed your prank.
Butch: You know, you've got it so easy. You've got your Peter Pan parents and your perfect grades and your cheerleader friends. Well, some of us don't have it that great, all right?
Sam: Yeah, I know. But why do you have to make things worse? Being in the Bones of Wrath doesn't solve anything!
Butch: You don't understand. Those guys are my friends, and I don't have many of those.
Sam: Well, how about me? I wanted to be your friend!
Butch: Yeah, but not anymore.
Sam: All I know is I'd still be your friend if you'd quit being Butch and start being Brian again.
Butch: Brian's gone.
Sam: Well, that's too bad. Let me know if he comes back; I miss him. (beat) Goodbye . . . Butch.
- Waluigi Freak 99
Weizel: My card. (handing Bart a business card)
Bart: Howard J. Weasel?
Rodney: (taking the card) That's "Wisel".
Weizel: Actually, it's "Weizel". It's French.
Rodney: Attorney at law?
Weizel: Correct! Give me back the card.
- Waluigi Freak 99
Charles: Sometimes I feel sorry for ants, because they can't wear pants...I like pants.
- "Bubba"
Bart: I'm returning a book I borrowed.
Connie: You borrowed a book?
Bart: What? You don't think I read?
Connie: Oh, no...of course you do. What's it called?
Bart: How to get organized. I found it under some junk.
- Aslan
Henry Ross: I don't wanna do it alone! You gotta get better so that we can go home!
Caroline Ross: Oh, Henry. I'm goin' home! It ain't in Canada . . . it ain't in Tennessee . . . it's in Heaven, with Jesus.
- Waluigi Freak 99
June: Come on, Connie. Let's go say "Goodbye".
Connie: Not "Goodbye", mom. How about, "See you later"?
- Waluigi Freak 99
thats in part II
- Jared DeWhite
Zachary:I'm walking on my own Jason!
- Jared DeWhite
Bill: I can't ask her or even God to forgive me when I can't even forgive myself.
- Waluigi Freak 99
William Shattered: Expendable Crewman . . . why don't you go . . . storm their headquarters, or something?
Expendable Crewman: Why, captain?
Captain: Because! You're the Expendable Crewman! Your job is to make a critical mistake of some kind, and then get captured!
- Waluigi Freak 99
Eugene: Pardon me, I'll simply wring my trousers back into the cup.
- "Bubba"
Eugene: Dear God, My new Father in Heaven. I am uncharacteristically at a loss for words, so please accept my verbal fumblings as I finally respond to your promptings...
- Tim
Jack Allen: It’s hard to understand how a mind like Dr. Backard's works. I'd hoped to help him change it, one last chance. But a soul so corrupted, so satured in evil can only come to one end without Jesus is destined for the Finial Conflict and an eternity without God.
- MDB17
Jack: You can't win, Dr. Blackgaard. You know that. You must give yourself up.
Blackgaard: Oh, please. You're as cliched as Jason!
Jack: You have nowhere left to go. The building is sealed off in all directions.
Blackgaard: Ah, you've obviously found my little escape tunnel in the woods.
Jack: I've been walking around the park a lot lately; you're trapped.
Blackgaard: Not if I use you as a hostage.
Jack: I'm sorry. I won't go along with that.
Blackgaard: Would you rather die?
Jack: I'm not afraid to. I'm prepared for death. How about you?
Blackgaard: Ah, I see. Brave Jack Allen, Christian soldier to the end, stops the evil Dr. Blackgaard, and saves the world!
Jack: I'm not here for the world, doctor. I'm not here to save Odyssey, or even Whit's End. I'm here for you. For your soul. That's the only thing that matters right now. Not money or power or viruses or computer programs or world terrorism. It all comes down to your soul. Why don't you put down the detonator so that you'll have time to redeem your soul?
Blackgaard: The floor on your proposal is that you assume my soul is redeemable. It isn't. I auctioned it off years ago.
Jack: Then you sold yourself cheap. Your soul is worth the life of Jesus Christ. To give it to anyone else would be an incredible waste.
Blackgaard: Well, as much as I enjoy philosophizing with you about abstracts, we have a very real dilemma here.
Jack: It's not a dilemma if you do the right thing.
Blackgaard: Oh, but it is! Giving up is something I cannot and will not do.
Jack: I'm not leaving without you.
Blackgaard: And I'm not leaving with you.
Jack: Then we're at a stalemate.
Blackgaard: Oh, not at all. I still have the queen: this detonator. And I have nothing to lose by using it. You see, my dear Jack, my illness isn't an act.
Jack: What?
Blackgaard: I have a virus.
Jack: Hmm. Ruku?
Blackgaard: Then Jason told you. Yes, it appears somewhere along the line I was exposed to a strain of it. And I will not die that kind of death. It's pointless! So I'd suggest you run for your life.
Jack: You don't want to kill me.
Blackgaard: Oh, you fool! Why wouldn't I? Goodbye, Jack Allen!
- Waluigi Freak 99
Jason: [about talking to Connie] I'd rather go back to work for the Agency; it's safer.
- Ben
Glenn Adams: Do you have volcano insurance?
- Puddleglum
Nero: The people have no need for gods! They have-ME!
- Jojo3333
Bernard: Eugene, the next time you nominate me as foreman of anything, our friendship is over!
- Ben
Shakespeare: I am in love. Her name is Portia.
Bart: Portia? You're in love with a car?
- Waluigi Freak 99
Edwin: (after learning the inheritance tax bill): $5,000!
IRS Agent: Oh, wait, that's not right. Here, this is right.
Edwin: Well, I should think SO. I...$10,000!!!
- anonymus
Clara 'Go away bad dream, Boo!'
- Christian A.
Whit: I look tired?
Bernard: Those bags under your eyes aren't for your wallet and keys.
- "Bubba"
Eugene: I am willing to discuss whatever it is we need to discuss in my subconscious.
Whit: Eugene, I think you and your subconscious have been lying in the sun too long.
- "Bubba"
EugeneAnd thus I desire to share with you all now, what this experience has achieved for me, and in achieving for me, I believe will also further advance the understanding of like-minded people everywhere.
BernardThat would be no one.
- Blipadouzi
Jason: They put everything on this burger except the burger!
- "Bubba"
Whit: This is one time where you'll have to be spontaneous
Eugene: How do I prepare for that?
- H Tide
Connie: Did, uh, Mr. Holstein make these sausages? They smell funny.
Eugene: He said they come from an old family recipe.
Connie: Hmm, I wonder how old.
- Ben
Whit: I expect for some people it's easy, like Eugene and Katrina. I doubt they have very many surprises left in their relationship.
Eugene: [enters] What am I gonna do about Katrina?!
Connie: You were saying?
Whit: Uh, never mind.
- Ben
Connie: Some specific rules. No using the harp in the David display as a slingshot. And no eating the manna in the Moses display. It's cardboard, Dwayne.
- Puddleglum
Jared: After he bikes through the city, he rides the next 100 miles in an air-conditioned camper till he gets into the next city. Everybody thinks he's out there workin' and sweatin', when he's really sitting on an EXERCISE BIKE in a CAMPER while he watches TV and eats FIG BARS!!
Sarah: You see what I have to listen to?
Jared: It's all stage, just like when they faked that whole moon-landing thing... Which is, uh, another conversation for another time.
- Ben
Doris: Hey Bart, if youse are in such an all-fired hurry, you could always jump in here and look through Whittaker's trash with me!
Bart: But then who would stand guard?
Doris: I could stand guard!
Bart: But you're lookin' through the trash.
Doris: Oh.
- Ben
Eugene:Thanks for the wings . . . the buffalo wings.
- K
Connie: Eugene, you brought your ukulele.
Eugene: Indeed I have, Ms. Kendall.
Bernard: (to the audience) But we hope you'll all stay with us anyway!
- Aslan
King Niehl (speaking to the Druid priest Locrue): "You have the heart of a priest and the mind of a criminal--you should be in government."
- Jonathan
Whit: Of course you don't play to lose. But it's not the end of the world if you do. In fact, there are things you can learn from losing that you'd never learn by winning.
- Puddleglum
Eugene: Watch this move...Bishop to rook three. There. I seriously think Mr. Walton made that move simply to form the letter "M" with his pieces!
- Puddleglum
Bernard: I'll have you know, that I've won the Walton Annual Chess Tournament seventeen years running. It's me and my brother and my Aunt Mildred. And just because Aunt Mildred's 104 years old doesn't mean she's lost her ability to play games.
- Puddleglum
Eugene: Sometimes I'm convinced this is a game he doesn't even know the rules for!
Connie: (gasps) Eugene, you just ended a sentence with a preposition!
Eugene: Impossible! Prepositions are not words that I end sentences with!
- "Bubba"
Eugene: I'm convinced this is a game he doesn't even know the rules for!
Connie: (Gasp) Eugene! You just ended that sentence with a preposition!
Eugene: Impossible! Prepositions are not words I end sentences with!
- Tim
Bernard:(After Eugene puts out the chess game) Hey, wehere's the dice?
- K
Mandy: Here, Mr. Rathbone. (she hands Bart a picture)
Bart: What's this?
Mandy: It's a picture. I made it for you. See, those smiling faces are you and Mrs. Rathbone and Rodney when you get your new house.
Doris: Oh, that's cute! Kinda looks like Rodney too.
Bart: It's the eye in the middle of the forehead that does it.
- H Tide
Nick: Why does everyone in the Bible sound like they were named during a sneeze?
- Puddleglum
Jared: Dwayne, I've got a feeling deep down in the pit of my stomach. Call it... a gut instinct!
Dwayne: Could have been those tacos we had for lunch.
- Aslan
Sarah: Well, hi, Jared.
Jared: Oh, uh, hi.
Sarah: You wouldn't happen to be *snooping* on us, would you?
Jared: Snooping? I would never stoop to snoop! Surveillance and reconaissance, maybe, but never snooping.
Sarah: Just remember how my dad feels about kids going into our backyard without permission. He was a college linebacker, remember?
Jared: [chuckling nervously] Right. I remember.
- Ben
John Avery Whittaker: If you have five or six good friends in a lifetime, you're very blessed.
- Puddleglum
Jesus: Baptize me, John!
John: You come to me to be baptized? It is I who should be baptized by You.
Jesus: Let it be so for the time being. For it is right for us to do what God requires.
John: Then come.
Kevin: Is that...is that Jesus?
God: This is My beloved Son in Whom I take delight!
- "Bubba"
Malachi: I am the one you see out of the corner of your eye and when you turn no one is there.
- "Bubba"
Dwayne: Vote for Charles Van Horn! He's dino-rific!
Jared: Sounds like an invitation to a three-year-old's birthday party.
- Aslan
Eugene:(On finding The box)...But why would someone go though the time of burying it?
Jared:Ran out of room in the garbage.
- Jared DeWhite
Master Brain 'I am your master.(weaker) I am your master.(even more weak)I am your maassssteerrrr.(crackling up)I aaammm yyyouurrrr maaasssssssteeerrrrrrr.(normal) Just kidding!
- Christian A.
Master Brain 'I am your master.(weaker) I am your master.(even more weak)I am your maassssteerrrr.(crackling up)I aaammm yyyouurrrr maaasssssssteeerrrrrrr.(normal) Just kidding!'
- Christian A.
Bart: (over the loudspeaker at the Electric Palace) Shoppers, don't forget our special on blank videotapes. Five dollars each or three for twenty! Bargains every day here at the Electric Palace.
- H Tide
Mandy: I used to...Suck my thumb
Liz: Suck your thumb?
Mandy: Shh! Keep it quiet.
Jared: That is one tough little girl
Brian: And by the way, Dwayne. The answer is Martha Washington.
Bart: Martha. Yeah, I knew that. So did Dwayne.
Dwayne: A piece of paper?
Bart: No. Not just any a piece of paper. A piece of paper with they answers to the game show questions.
Dwayne: What?
Bart: I told you I take care everything.
Dwayne: I can't believe this.
Bart: You can fetch me later. Right now. Start memorizing.
- Gabriel
: Can you love your neighbor as yourself and stand by while thieves cut his throat?
- "Bubba"
Blackgaard: You see now. I don't need your God. I've come up with my own way to have eternal life! Wait! Something is wrong...this isn't what's supposed to happen...what's going on?
Whit: It's over, Blackgaard.
- "Bubba"
Jared: Why do you care so much about the spam in your brother's eye when you have a hog in your own?
- H Tide
Mandy: Hey guys!
Nathaniel: Go Away.
Mandy: Rough morning?
Sarah: We've all got candy hangovers.
- Jonathan
Pete: What are you doing, Sarah?
Sarah: I'm tying myself to the monkeybars. If they're going to bulldoze this park, they're going to have to bulldoze me with it. Come on, park killer, try me!
Pete: There's nobody even in the bulldozer.
Sarah: I know. Let me know if someone actually starts driving it. I don't want to get hurt or anything.
- H Tide
Odyssey kids: YAK! Go away! We want ice cream every day!
- H Tide
Harlow: People and yaks CAN coexist!
- "Bubba"
Nathaniel: She says,"When children abuse their privileges, sometimes they simply need to be taken away."
Sarah: The children?
Nathaniel: No, the privileges.
- K
Nathaniel:If they're brave enough to join the armed forces,they can sleep by themselves.
- A
Sarah:When will you quit?
Nathaniel:When my mind is so saturated with worthless
entertainment that I can no longer remember the names of my close friends and relatives.
- A
Harlow: Great bursts of tiny flavored crystals!
- "Bubba"
Harlow Doyle: Dear Diary, Buy mouthwash. Dishwasher soap doesn't have the same minty freshness.
- Puddleglum
Bernard: In your case Eugene, tragedy and singing go well together.
- Rio
Eugene: Hot dogs don't grow on trees.
- "Bubba"
Sarah Prachett: Look, Mr. Whittaker! I pierced my own ears, just like you said!
Whit: Oh! Very good, Sarah! Your parents will be so proud!
- Lady Simbelmyne
Harlow: Great isosceles triangle! I just figured out how stonehenge was built!
- "Bubba"
Connie: "Oh Eugene! Your words just slide off your tongue like poetry!"
Eugene: "You mean, mellifluously?"
Connie: "I think so"
Eugene: "Hum"
- Stardust
Rodney: Move...please! You know you're a large person and your in my way?
- "Bubba"
Rodney: I like myself! Rude, bad and mean.
- H Tide
"Besides, it's [the book] is approved by the "American Psychopathological Society!"
- Jonathan
John:I'm John the Baptist.
Aubrey: I'm Aubrey the Methodist.
- K
Alex: Wow! I really could end up riding elephants on the Great Wall of China!
- Puddleglum
Alex:(looking at the menu board)Hey, Ugaly!
Sarah: You'd better not be talking about me!
- alayna
(Nathaniel has just opened the door)
Alex: Blessed one, thou art speaking with a real live missionary.
- alayna
Too Large: I was trapped by the invisible walls of my fate. Fooled into thinking that I could not escape. Chained up in a ghetto where my father died. Tricked into thinking I could never go outside. Surrounded by my friends who knew nothing but war. Shackled to everything that had gone on before. I would forever be stuck in this dead-end life of mine, my heart turned back by a city limit sign.
And yet . . .
And yet I now see a way out of my concrete jail. A way to soften a heart that's grown stale. I understand now what it takes to get real. If you want to stand up you have to learn how to kneel.
I surrender. My weapons are down at my feet. 'Cause we'll never have freedom with blood on the streets.
- Waluigi Freak 99
Connie: Tom, if you meet with this guy, you have to wear your best suit. You do have a suit, don't you?
Tom: I was mayor, Connie. It was kind of required.
Connie: Oh yeah, I remember that suit. Maybe it's time to buy something from a recent decade.
- H Tide
Cal: So you think he's a secret agent?
Alex: Eugene Meltsner? I don't think so. Secret agents wear sunglasses and drive around in cool cars. Eugene wears thick glsses and rides around on a bike.
- Puddleglum
(Cal and Alex are doing homework)
Alex: Let's see. "George Washinton crossed the blank."
Cal: That's easy: he crossed the British.
- H Tide
AREM: The password is...red herring.
- "Bubba"
Liz: I'm tired of playing board games.
Sarah: Well, I'm tired of hearing you complain about playing board games.
Liz: I wouldn't complain so much if you weren't such a cheater.
Sarah: I wouldn't cheat so much if—hey, I don't cheat!
- H Tide
(Whit and Bernard are talking about BTV being sold to Novacom)
Bernard: People all over the area will get to tune in. Think of the message we'll be getting out. This is about TV being a good thing to watch for a change!
Whit: (not enthusiastic) Maybe, maybe. I do hope it works out for you, Bernard.
Bernard: What kind of talk is that? "I do hope it works out for you." Whit, you could be a cheerleader for a funeral.
- H Tide
Shakespeare: And now, Welcome to Poetry Corner, with your host, the renowned Edward Blackgaard.
Edwin: That's Edwin, you NINNY!
Shakespeare: You're on the air.
- Haystack
Bart: Okay, Rodney. Now you know what to do.
Rodney: Yeah, yeah. You want me to batter up Connie while you talk to Whit.
Bart: Butter her up, not batter! Charm her, sweet talk her. You know, like I do with your mom when I want to get out of mowing the lawn.
Rodney: Easy, peasy. I'll have her eating palms out of my hand.
Bart: Eating out of the palm of your—never mind, let's go.
- H Tide
Rodney:So maybe you and me can go out sometime.
Connie: No.
Rodney: Why not?
Connie: Do you want me to list the reasons alphabetically or by order of significance?
- K
Alex: (describing the scenery) Snowflakes drifted down like dandruff from the sky, and everything around us—the housetops, the trees, and the streets—looked like the aftermath of a vanilla ice cream factory explosion. The pond in the park was iced over, and people were gliding around on ice skates like ballerinas wearing really slippery socks on a linoleum floor.
- H Tide
Rodney: Come on out and we won't hurt you . . . much.
- K
Alex:We well fight them on the beaches on the...
Cal:Uh Caption Alex?
Alex:Yes
Cal:we don't have any beaches.
Alex:O yeah good point.
- Jared DeWhite
Alex: Come on troops! Are we warriors or are we wimps!
Cal, Nathaniel, Mandy: We are wimps sir!
- Tim
Alex: Don't fire until you see the whites of their eyeballs, or something like that!
- Jojo3333
Rodney: So if you don't not know, then you do know! And if you KNOW, that the answer isn't NO, then you know that there's NO WAY you can KNOW I broke the window!
Connie: Um.. okay. Alex, would you like to cross-examine?
Alex: I'm still trying to figure out what he said.
- Aslan
Rodney: Do I look like I'm stupid? *pauses* Strike that from the record!
- Waluigi Freak 99
Alex: Sarah, please state your name for the court.
Sarah: You just said my name, Alex.
Alex: Sarah, cooperate with me.
Sarah: (rolls eyes) My name is Sarah.
Alex: And please state your last name, Ms. Prachett.
Sarah: Prachett.
- Waluigi Freak 99
Connie: Do you have any questions? (talking about the trial)
Rodney:Just one! Do we get a bathroom break during this thing?
- K
Connie:Court will now recess.
Rodney: Oh yeah! When the going gets tough, the tough go out and play on the swings!
- K
Rodney:I would like to call my character witness!
Connie:Yeah that's a good one.
Rodney:No, really.
Connie:Oh. OK.
Rodney:The persecuting attorney would like to call . . . Mitch . . . whatever your last name is.
Mitch:Why would you want me for your character witness?
Rodney:You don't know me very well! That helps!
- K
Rodney: I can't get a lawyer that soon, Uncle Louie's in jail for another six weeks!
- Nancy
Edwin: I'll call a cab. Precisely how do you call a cab, Shakespeare?
Shakespeare: With a phone, sir.
- Aslan
Cryin' Bryan Dern:Other than waiting for my Aunt Edna's veins to heal, I can't think of anything more exciting . . .
- K
Shakespeare: What was all the commotion,sir?
Edwin: Commotion?
Shakespeare: I thought I heard a crash a moment ago.
Edwin: I slipped while I was getting the teacups.
Shakespeare: That explains the first crash, but I heard a series of them.
Edwin: Well, I had to get the milk and sugar, didn't I?
- K
Shakespeare: The door, sir
Edwin: Ah, yes, the door
Shakespeare: I ment can you get the door?
- Jojo3333
(Alex is golfing, while Nathaniel watches)
Nathaniel: The last hole is the dreaded waterfall hole! Take your time, Alex. Go in the water, and you won't even tie the record, much less break it. So you've got to make sure that you don't go in the water.
Alex: Thanks Nathaniel, I probably would've aimed for the water.
- H Tide
Bart:Ok, if you wanted to bank your grape into my soda can, what would you bank it off of?
Alex:I don't know. Your bologna sandwich?
Bart:(Sighs disgustedly) What am I doing this for?
Alex:What?
Bart:You bank it off my bologna sandwich and you land right in my potato salad. You see my granola bar over there? See it?
- K
Wooton:Hey Mr. Rose I wanted to clock out but I couldn't find my time card.
Mr. Rose:I have your time card right here, Wooton.
Wooton:Oh great, where'd you find it?
Mr. Rose:I didn't find it, I took it. I wanted to see you before you left.
Wooton:Oh, yeah, it's great to see you too, Mr. Rose. How are you?
Mr. Rose: I'm fine Wooton.
Wooton: Your arthritis isn't bothering you too much is it?
Mr. Rose: My arthritisw is fine, Wooton.
Wooton: That's good.
Mr. Rose: Wooton, do you know what time it is?
Wooton: NO, but if you let me check out with my time card I would!
Mr. Rose: It's 6:00.
Wooton: Wow! Shouldn't you be home for dinner?
Mr. Rose: Yes, I should be, but I'm not. I'm late, because YOU'RE late.
- K
Whit: I guess goes beyond a job normal mail man.
Wooten: Then it's good I ant normal>
Alex: You can say that again.
- Jared DeWhite
Wooton: Liz, I got you something.
Liz You got me something?
Wooton: Uh huh, here you go. It's not much.
Liz: A book?
Wooton: Yeah, it's the complete history of China dolls.
Liz: Wow.
Wooton: I remember how you said you liked them.
Liz: You bought this for me?
Wooton: No, it's a library book. You have to take it back in two weeks.
- H Tide
Whit:Who's got a bucket on their head?
Nick: Uh . . . the details aren't important.
Whit: Nick . . . do you have a bucket on your head?
- K
Santo: I have had it with your talk of revenge! Is this how your God is like? If so, then I'm not interested.
- Waluigi Freak 99
Grandpa Jefferson: Eww, there's a toenail in my ketchup!
- "Bubba"
Bart: I am here on official business!
Wooton: Official business, wow, should I put on a tie?
Bart: No, that won't be necessary.
Wooton: Oh, good, cause I don't have a tie.
- Aslan
Wooton: Do you want some pepperment lemonade? I've got a whole pitcher.
Bart: Pepperment lemonade. Ooh, that sounds disgusting.
Wooton: It is. That's why I've still got a whole pitcher.
- "Bubba"
[after watching the news report of Wooton's win]
Bart: That proves it. There is NOTHING good on the T 'n V anymore!
- Ben
Tamika: I can't believe Eugene could have a record deal.
Whit: I can't believe it happened so fast.
Connie: I can't believe the ukelele is popular.
Wooton: I can't believe a hot dog costs four bucks in France!
- K
Me: Oops! Sorry! Wrong episode!
- K
Answering machine: Thank you for calling the Arctic Freeze Popsicle Company. Your call is important to us. Approximate hold time is... 84 minutes.
Tom: [sighs] Ho boy.
- Ben
Agent Bourland: Mr. Whittaker, Robert Mitchell...is dead.
- "Bubba"
Alex:What's this?
Nick:It's a...Sundae!
- Jared DeWhite
Arthur Dent: "Operation: Thinktank" will enslave the human race...would you like a muffin?
- "Bubba"
"Connie, Mitch is alive."
--Rachel
- Zach
Arthur Dent: I saved the world!
- "Bubba"
Whit: Press the red button and get out of there!
- "Bubba"
Tom: What exactly did I just do?
Whit: Well, Tom, you...saved the world.
Tom: Oh...I can't wait for our long talk, Whit.
- "Bubba"
Get lost nick
- dude
Singers:Rathbbbbooooonnnnnnnnnnnnneeeee
- Jared DeWhite
(Mitch and Connie are discussing the things they like about each other)
Mitch: I like how you always get whipped cream on your nose when you eat a sundae.
Connie: I like how that lock of hair falls across your forehead at such an adorably perfect angle.
Bernard: (sarcastically) Oh, Connie, I love the way your kidneys work. Mitch, your toenails grow with such amazing symmetry.
- H Tide
Wooton:You've got a brownie in your pocket!
- K
Wooton:Wow, you mean nine pounds is all Whit can lose? Hey whit, have you tried blowing your nose?
- K
Bernard: Oh come on, you're great with people.
Wooton: Yeah, but not my family people.
- Laura Ingalls
Wooton: Well, you did say you owed me.
Bernard: Well, YEAH, but I meant I'll put a doorbell in for you or something.
Wooton: Oh. Oh, I see. Yeah, I suppose you're right...graditude really should have it's limitations, right?
Bernard: Oh, I knew I should have sent a thank you card.
- Laura Ingalls
Mrs. Washington: (referring to the supposed boots of Gold Toe Jake): Don\'t touch them!\r\n Tamika: Why not?\r\n Mrs. Washington: I dont know, just don\'t touch them.
- anonymus
Ethel: Well, Spiro T. Agnew!
Joanne: He wasn't a president.
Ethel: Well, sometimes I like to switch to vice presidents.
- K
Wooton: . . . Wooton the Weight-Guesser. If I guess it right, you'll be amazed . . . and so will I. If I guess it wrong, you win a prize.
- K
Wooton: (Talking about weight-guessing) I've already been slapped twice.
Mrs. Washington: You mean two ladies slapped you?
Wooton: No, actually it was the same lady. I guessed twice.
- K
Wooton: Hey miss, do you want me to guess your hair's natural color?
- K
Connie : "Budapest. I don't even know where Budapest is. It sounds like an insect with a different religion."
- Sparkythehappygiraffe
Trent DeWhite: We'll just walk to the third stall, remove the papier-mache toilet we made and slip out.
- Puddleglum
Wellington: Do you have a suit?
Wooton: Yeah, I have a green tuxedo that I wear to weddings.
Wellington: Uh, can you borrow a suit?
- "Bubba"
Marvin: Trent! It's me, Marvin. How do you get pink paint out of underwear?
- anonymus
Wooton: Face-to-face meetings are... exquisite.
- Elf of Rivendell
Joel: I got an F on my science report today. My mom's going to give me the look again.
Ed:Ooh, I know that look.
Joel: Your mom give you the look too?
Ed: Nah, I'm married.
- Haystack
Tom: A commercial?
Connie: On television?
Wooton: To air?
- Ben
Trent: I'm in THE GIFTED CLASS
- jared DeWhite
Rodney: Lamb to the moon take four...
- Jared DeWhite
Trent:I quite
Marvin: He'll be back...hay your back
Trent:I forgot my chello.
- Jared DeWhite
Mandy-"In times like these you need two things-Courage,and heavy make up.
- Abbey Magger
Wooton Bassett: I used to be in the Boy Scouts, too, doing all those fun "ing" things. You know, boating, camping, rafting, hiking, falling, hurting, bleeding, yelling for help. It was the most fun I've ever had!
- Puddleglum
Bernard: How could you do this, Eugene?!? Should I have spoken in words you understand? Like: Kindly refrain from utilating my vehicle.
- anonymus
Eugene-"That truck survived a California earthquake!?I doubt I could do much worse!?
- Abbey Magger
Eugene: The tire isn't completely flat, only the bottom.
- "Bubba"
Wooton: It's tough being a man in my thirties.
- "Bubba"
Connie: You can't quack me after only two notes.
Dern: Well, I would have quacked you after one note, but my DUCK MALFUNCTIONED!
- K
Tamika: I can't believe Eugene could have a record deal.
Whit: I can't believe it happened so fast.
Connie: I can't believe the ukelele is popular.
Wooton: I can't believe a hot dog costs four bucks in France!
- K
Bart Rathbone: If you can't stand the heat, don't let the door hit you on the way out.
- Puddleglum
Tamika: Marvin, I can't believe you just slammed the door on Mr. Whittaker!
Marvin: That wasn't Mr. Whittaker, that was a big Girl Scout with a mustache.
Tamika: That's even worse!
- Ben
Bart: We'll just take some extra butter
Waiter: And what would you like the butter on?
Bart: My Plate
- David
(Marvin is praying to God)
Marvin: I'll tell you what. You want me to give away my bike, just give me a sign. I'll wait.
(thunder crashes outside)
Marvin: Just any sign at all. Okay, I'll just take that as no.
- H Tide
Trent: Here, you can have this.
Mandy: A ring? But Trent, I couldn't.
Trent: No, it's ok.
Mandy: No. I mean, I'm allergic to onions.
Trent: Oh, I thought you liked onion rings. Oh well.
- J-man
Mandy:Uh Trent,what are you doing on your knees?
Trent:Mandy,
Mandy:Yes
Trent:Will you,will you lift your foot,I dropped my spoon.
- Abbey Magger
Trent:Ah,there she is,she's paying for her lunch,oh what a nice smile.She's coming this way,Yes.Oh no she's turning don't go over there come this way yeah that a girl.Yes keep walking this way oh no she's turning she's talking she's starting to sit I gotta do something.MANDY!!!!
- someone far away
Trent-Let me ah,get your chair for you.
Mandy-It's a bench Trent.It's stuck to the wall.
- Agent 602
Trent:If people found out about this I'd have to live in Tijauna till atleast age 40.
Connie:Tijauna!?
Trent:It's in Mexico.
Connie:I know.
- Jules
Trent: Eso-esoreble!
- Christian A.
Mandy: I guess I'll be the top hat.
Mrs. Straussberg: She's always the top hat. (laughs)
Marvin: Oh, but that leaves me with the iron. Why an iron?
Mrs. Washington: Why a thimble?
Marvin: But if I'm an iron, how are you supposed to enjoy the pools at the hotel? You'll electricute everyone!
- anonymus
Connie: I remember the first time my mom left me alone for a few days. I was fourteen, and I invited all these...never mind, I wasn't a Christian.
- H Tide
Eugene- apparently the definition of fun has merged with the definition of insanity(whimpers) i'm in
- the comedian
Wooton: Do you see what I see?
Bernard: This is not time for Christmas songs, Wooton.
- Anonymous
Big Phill: My friends call me Big Phill, but you can call me...sir.
- AIO Lover
Connie: What was that all about Wooton?\\r\\n\\r\\nWooton: I don\\\'t know, but I think I\\\'m in like!
- JB
Kristyn:Connie what are you doing?
Connie:(In the garbage) I'm planing to make a summer home here!
- Jared DeWhite
"No! I'm doing the chicken dance!"
- Audrey
Grady:I know lets turn on the radio!
- Jared DeWhite
The Whisperer (Squirt) 'I'll get you yet, Jason Whittaker!'
- Christian A.
Bryan Dern: Well, whoopity-doopity-doo.
- Christian A
Bryan Dern:(high pitched) Whoopsi!
- Christian A
Bryan Dern: This is Cryin' Bryan Dern and I've parked my microphone right here at Whit's End. Where, in classic, journalistic style, I will intrude upon the thoughts and feelings of those nearest and dearest to Whit's End! Here, on what may be the last day of its existence, in fair, old Odyssey! Why dontcha get some violins playing.
- Christian A.
Bryan Dern: Now I caught the human brainstorm Eugene Meltsner on his way in this morning. Let's hear that clip shall we.
(goes into clip with the sound of a chicken being hit by an arrow)Bryan Dern: Oh, Eugene!
Eugene:I've nothing to say to you.
- Christian A.
Bryan Dern: Now I caught the human brainstorm Eugene Meltsner on his way in this morning. Let's hear that clip shall we?
(goes into clip with the sound of a chicken being hit by an arrow) Bryan Dern: Oh, Eugene?
Eugene:I've nothing to say to you.
Bryan Dern: Oh, c'mon. Tell us what you've been up to. Nobody believes you're going to let Whit's End go without a fight.
Eugene: On that you are correct.
Bryan Dern: Uh, so, uh what's your plan of action?
Eugene: Well, uh (clears throat) I've been at City Hall researching all available documentation about this property for the particular emphasis on the original deed from the McAllister family granting rights to the city.
Bryan Dern: And?
Eugene: No one can find the deed.
Bryan Dern: Really!!? Are you suggesting a conspiracy by members of our government to suppress the truth from the common man!!!?
Eugene: No.
Bryan Dern: Well I am!(laughing) That's a lot more interesting than what you just said isn't it?
Eugene: I'm finished talking to you (slams the door in Bryan's face).
- Christian A.
"So You remember the book, but not me?"
- Audrey
"The grass is on fire! The grass is on fire!"
Jimmy
- Jenneniah
Harlow:I write Powerboy?
- K
Connie:Harlow how do you spell Icabodia
Harlow:MMMmmmmmmm?
Connie:Wooten?
Wooten:I-c like i see Abo like about and dia.
- Jared DeWhite